every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
