We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
