So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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