I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
