Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
