I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So apparently I’m into choking now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
