just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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