he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
