Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
