Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
