mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
