Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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