he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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