Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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