I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
