I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
