My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
