Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize