it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
