It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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