So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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