just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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