I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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