First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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