Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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