You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
