The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize