Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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