can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
