Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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