is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
