it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
