birth control should be required to get into college
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
