peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
