It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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