i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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