from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
