Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
