im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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