the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
