my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
