She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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