It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You need Xanax blowdarts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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