I want to stick my p in your. b.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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