You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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