she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
