So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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