I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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