New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize