a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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