I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
