I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Randomize
