fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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