Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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