And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
