I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
