Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
