I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
