one two three fourrrrnication!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
do herpes really smell.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
