Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
