If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
