you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
