if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
